Why begin a blog this way? Well, after hearing about this, I not only feel doubly guilty for hurting him, but I also feel completely unsure of how to, or if, to respond to this. I broke up with him (for these purposes I will refer to my ex as Bob. It's short and concise) for several different reasons.
First of all, we lived 9 hours away from each other. The entire relationship had been long distance and we had never had a chance to spend more than 5 days every other month with each other.
Second, we lived very different lives. He was a very avid marijuana user, while I prefer alcohol as my poison of choice. I am an extrovert, he was not. We also had very different goals. At the beginning of the relationship, I was questioning my desire for a family and children, but as the relationship progressed, I realized that these were very important to me. It became increasingly obvious that Bob did not know what he wanted to do with his life. He expressed an openness to exploring my goals... However, I have decided I need to be with someone who already has the same goals as me. I don't want someone to change in order to make me happy.
Lastly, and most importantly, I struggled to remain loyal throughout the relationship. I had a hard time staying in a mindset that I was a girlfriend and not single. Since we were only together a fraction of the time, I spent most of my time with girlfriends who were single. We went out, flirted, and drank... quite a bit. I ended up cheating on Bob a few different times. I was honest with him each time, and for some reason he "forgave" me each time. Towards the end of the relationship, I became close friends with the man I am now dating. There was sexual tension between us the day we met and it continued to increase the more we hung out. One night, we got drunk and things progressed. After talking about it the next day, I realized that I needed to break up with Bob. I needed to be out of a relationship that forgave me of my cheating and I needed to be in a relationship that I made me want to be loyal and committed. I also needed to find someone with congruent goals. So, I broke up with Bob.
I cried a lot during that week. I felt horrible, but also realized that there was nothing I could do to make it up to Bob. I had been a horrible girlfriend. Bob and I had not been friends before dating and it made it awkward to try and be friends now. I still think I could've been better about the break up and I still feel bad about hurting Bob. I don't know what I could've done or said though to make things better. I feel like words are petty and that, since I hurt him, it would be better if I simply stayed out of it.
I'm horrible with break ups and I've actually never been friends with an ex. I have been 100% faithful to my current boyfriend of 6 months and have vowed to never be in a relationship if I am attracted to other men. I have also made wiser decisions as to who I hang out with and who I drink with and how much I drink. I don't want to be a "cheater" and I never want to hurt someone I care about again.
As far as Bob's dad goes, I cannot express how sad it makes me that his dad passed away. I hate that he found out his dad had cancer a week after I broke up with him and I also hate that 7 months later, his dad died. I wish I could do something.
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